Temporary Serenity
by BuriedBeneath
Summary: Following a frustrating meeting with the Council upon her return from fighting the Collectors, Shepard gives her crew the night off to spend on the Citadel. -DISCONTINUED
1. Politics

_Author's Notes:_

Hello! ... Well, it seems I've written a fanfic.  
I'm still not quite sure how I feel about that, but the scene after Horizon just left me so unfulfilled and IF I DON'T SEE THESE TWO TOGETHER IN ME3, HEADS WILL ROLL.

Ahem... Yes, well. Though I've been writing for years, this is my first official fanfic, so if the characters seem... well, out of character, please don't hesitate to tell me. It's my first time using characters that weren't originally created by me, so it's been a learning experience. I'm still getting the hang of FFdotNET, so if anything seems weird about the layout, or whatever, you can let me know about that, too.

Also, my Shepard is human. As are they all. So I've tried to make her human, with human moments of weakness and anger and stress up the wazoo. She's paragon, certainly. But she's not impervious to emotion. In fact, she's got a pretty touchy temper and you might even go so far as to call her _mildly _bipolar. She'll laugh and joke with those she's close to, but she's quick to anger, especially with those she doesn't know or trust.

She's also got a tendency to swear. Hence the T rating.

And finally, the disclaimer: _No, I don't own Kaidan, Tali, Garrus, or any other character/name in this fic. Not even Shepard, as much as I'd like to claim so. They are all the property of BioWare._

Adieu,  
- i.I

**P.S.** You may notice that I've taken some slight liberties with the past timeline/circumstances. I am aware of them, and have included them just for the sake of the story. So you don't need to bring them up. ;)

* * *

**Temporary Serenity**

**Part One: **Politics

The moment Joker placed those schematics in Dana Shepard's hands upon her return from her final meeting with The Illusive Man, she knew there was no turning back now. Harbinger was coming, and there was no way in hell the Council could deny the information she now held in her hands.

There was no telling how much time they had. Weeks? Months? Years? Honestly, she had no idea. The only thing she knew for certain was things weren't over yet. She wasn't particularly looking forward to standing before the Council, even if they were predominately human. They hadn't lifted a finger to help her while she was fighting the Collectors. Even if her motives were justified, she was working for Cerberus (emphasis on _was_), and she knew it would be difficult for them to look past that.

Sure, she might have been overreacting, but the only connection she had to the Council was Anderson, and he hadn't exactly been all that helpful either, as much as she liked the man's company and appreciated the little help he was able to provide. He was a good man who had the galaxy's best interests at heart, but all she'd wanted was an audience with the Council to explain herself and tell them what she knew, and they couldn't even give her that. She'd saved the blasted Citadel, and the whole damn galaxy once, and they couldn't even be bothered to show their faces to her?

Now, they wouldn't have a choice. Shepard had Harbinger's schematics. It existed, and it was coming for them, and if they wanted to stand a chance, they needed her help, and for God's sake, they needed to _listen_ to her for once!

_Damn it, I fucking hate politics._

She didn't even want to think about what the Alliance would say. Regardless of her questionable status in the recent past, she still considered herself an Alliance soldier, and she couldn't deny her desire to rejoin the ranks. She had no idea how that was going to go down, though, and if they wanted to win against the Reapers, she would need the help of the Alliance, whether she rejoined the ranks or not. Quite frankly, she would sooner stand before the Council than answer to the Alliance. At least she had some idea of what she would say to the Council when they questioned her actions. Not to mention that, if it came down to it, she wasn't afraid to tell the members of the Council to fuck off while she fought for the galaxy's security. The Alliance, on the other hand? Not _quite_ so outspoken. She actually held a certain amount of respect for the Alliance.

She ran her hands through her red hair and emerged into the CIC, beckoning for Tali and Garrus to join her. If she was going up against those who would judge her based on her past actions, she needed people who were there for her past. Her _whole_ past, and there was just one person who knew more about her than those two... and he was out of the question. They were at her side in a matter of minutes, and Dana Shepard, in nothing but her Cerberus uniform (as much as she wanted to rip that Cerberus emblem off of it) and a small sidearm at her hip descended into what she liked to describe as _the burning flames of hell_ with the two members of her crew she trusted most at her side. She couldn't ask for any better support.

They made their way past the customs desk and into the hall, and she swore, if that blasted turian apologized for the inconvenience_ one more time,_ she'd—

"Sorry for the inconvenience, Ma'am."

—not follow through with whatever thoughts were going through her head at the moment, and she simply sucked in a breath, offered the turian a nod and went on her merry way.

She could feel Garrus' eyes boring a hole into the back of her head as if he could read her mind. She turned and shot him a glare, to which he smiled broadly, and she shook her head, glancing at the clock mounted on the far wall. Not much time. They should head directly to the Presidium if she wanted the meet the Council on time so they approached the rapid transit terminal. Of course, she could just barely rein in her excitement.

They arrived at the Presidium a few minutes later while she stood outside the doors, resisting the urge to pace back and forth and when she finally stepped inside, she was met with four human individuals – one of them Anderson – and three of them were staring her down as if she was nothing. She was not a Spectre, she had not risked her life and the lives of her crew to fight against Saren and the geth, she had_ not _made the choice to abandon the former Council to concentrate all their fire on Sovereign, sacrificing the fewest number of lives as possible and thereby providing the situation in which their sorry asses could be voted into power, and she had _not_ just saved humanity from the Collectors!

She could feel herself getting sick with internal anger, but forced it down, unwilling to bring this meeting to an end before it had even started.

"Commander Shepard." The eldest woman announced, offering her a smile that she knew was forced, "It's good to finally meet you."

_Oh really?_ She challenged in her mind, _Funny, considering I showed up here _months_ ago, and you refused to show your damn faces! Bunch of bloody liars._

She offered them no verbal greeting, but simply nodded her head in polite silence, despite the internal chagrin plaguing her mind.

"We understand you wished Councillor Anderson to call this meeting." The woman continued, "We assume you have some news to tell us?"

"I assume you know I've been off fighting the Collectors for the last few months." Shepard explained.

"Working with Cerberus." The councilman on the far right added, and a little flame of anger alighted in her veins.

"_Formerly_, yes." She responded, "But please, let me finish. While I was fighting the Collectors, there is a _lot_ of information we uncovered that is nothing short of... _disturbing_. The worst of this being that they were using human DNA to construct a massive humanoid Reaper."

Ah. Now she had their _full_ attention. She wasn't much of a public speaker, but one thing she knew for certain was that shocking your audience would grab their attention before much else.

"You have proof of this?"

"My ship's memory core has a detailed readout of the Collectors' research, as well as biological proof that the Collectors themselves were once the Protheans, modified and manipulated by the Reapers to do their dirty work in the same way that Sovereign manipulated Saren."

And, as quick as that, she lost them. She should've known better than to bring up the Reapers in such a way. Ships can't control people. That was what they believed, and nothing could seem to sway them from that belief. _God, what is __**wrong**__with you people? What will it take for you to believe that the Reapers exist? What do I have to do to get you all to listen to me? This Council is no different than the last one!_

She never thought she'd be longing for Quarian politics. At least then, some miracle allowed her to work the crowd enough to convince them to clear Tali of her charges based on everything she had done in her past with the _Normandy_ and the fight against Saren, without even _needing_ the proof they uncovered while searching for Rael'Zorah. What about Shepard? Hadn't she done enough for the galaxy to be offered even a smidgen of credibility?

Without waiting for a response telling her how they didn't have any proof to support the Reapers' existence, she tossed Anderson the datapad containing the readouts of Harbinger's schematics. He caught it easily, and looked at it for a moment, understanding crossing his features while he passed it to the others.

"They're real, Councillors. I have proof of their manipulation and the Collectors' genetic similarity to the Protheans. Sovereign was just the beginning. They're out there, and they're coming, and they're going to target Earth. Why? Because that's where all the humans are." She explained without waiting for anyone to object, "_We_ are their next target, and if we want to fight them then we need to be prepared."

A long, painful silence passed over them, as they each studied the datapad. Dana felt like she would throw up.

The old woman looked up at her, finally, and let out a sigh, "What would you suggest, Commander?"

_Ah, sweet relief. Could it be? Have I finally managed to convince them that I'm not making this entire thing up?_

"We need to rally together. Find help from anyone willing to offer it, human or otherwise, and stand together to neutralize this threat before they wipe us out." She explained, "There is going to be a war. One unlike anything we have ever fought. We need to be ready to deal with it when the time comes."

The Council looked as if she'd slapped them. All except Anderson, of course, who had supported her from the very start, and she was thankful for that.

"We understand your urgency, Commander," the Councilman on the right interjected once again, "but you are asking a lot. There are procedures for this sort of thing."

"I am not a Councillor! I'm a soldier, and I'll do what I have to do. I'm not with Cerberus anymore, but I plan to do what I can to stop this threat, with or without your help or resources." She added, her voice deepening and taking on a sterner tone – her soldier voice, "I'm sick and tired of beating around the bush, waiting for a decision to be made. I refuse to sit by and do nothing while you all deliberate what you're going to do. I'll travel to the four corners of the galaxy myself if I have to, to rally everyone I can to help us defeat this threat."

"We must speak further of this in private, but we will give you access to our resources in return for the information provided from your ship's memory core. Remember, you are a Spectre. You answer to us, yes. But you don't need our permission to do what must be done. We will contact you in the future regarding our decision."

And then, the meeting was adjourned, and she stepped into the hall, blowing out her cheeks with a sigh. Anderson approached and shook her hand, "They can't dismiss it this time, Shepard. Good job."

"Thank you, Sir. As you know, I have a meeting with the Alliance tomorrow, to talk about what happened with Cerberus and our next step." She explained, the dread already settling onto her shoulders, "But for the moment..." Here, she turned to face her comrades. Garrus and Tali looked at her curiously, "I need a drink."

They all let out a chuckle, and it felt good to laugh again. To get a breather from all the stress of the last few months facing death at every turn. There still was so much to do, but at least for now, things were calm, and there was one thing she knew for certain: When all of this was over, the battles with the Collectors, the war with the Reapers, if they succeeded, and she was still alive, she was retiring. Or at least taking the longest shore leave in the history of the Alliance.

She allowed a smirk to grace her mouth, and shook Anderson's hand once again as he departed. When he was gone, she clapped Garrus on the shoulder, "Head back to the _Normandy_ and tell the crew they have the night off. They deserve it after the last few months. Tali and I will try and get a big table at the Dark Star Lounge, and we'll see you in a few minutes."

"Sure thing, Shepard." And then he was off.

Stepping into the dim light of the Dark Star Lounge, Shepard rolled her shoulders while she and Tali made their way to a couple of fair-sized tables set beside each other near the rear of the club, reserving them both. An asari waitress approached them and took their orders, and Tali waited until she was gone before she leaned over and put a hand on the Commander's shoulder, "You did good back there, you know. I think they might actually listen to you this time."

She rubbed her hands over her face, "Thanks. I hope so. I'm still going to do what I can to fight these Reapers, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to have the Council onboard."

The waitress returned with their drinks, and they sat in companionable silence while they waited for the others. It wasn't long before Garrus strode into the club, followed closely by Miranda and Jacob. Thane entered a scant moment later, followed by Jack and Grunt (who looked strangely out of place, she had to admit). A slew of the _Normandy_'s crew, including Joker, Yeoman Chambers and Doctor Chakwas (Shepard briefly wondered what the Doctor would find appealing about partying it up at her age, but then remembered the brandy she'd purchased from this very bar and everything made sense) were at his heels, causing her to raise an eyebrow. She guessed Samara and Mordin had better things to do, and honestly couldn't picture them living it up in a club anyway, when they could be doing other, more _productive _things on the Citadel. Still, she hadn't expected so many to come to the Dark Star at one time. Didn't some of them have other things to do on the Citadel? Not that she was complaining, but some of them may have had to stand. Shepard turned to her quarian friend as she flagged them down, "I think we might need another table."

Thankfully, upon finding the source of the commotion, and noticing just who she was, the management was very accommodating and pulled another table from across the club, pushing it together with the two they'd already secured. Dana bit her lip, awkwardly thanked the manager, and sat down.

Tali let out a giggle while crewman and women began to join them, "And now the real party begins."


	2. R&R

_Author's Note:_

Yo, peeps! I'm back with part two. It's quite short this time around. My original plan was to mash it up with the next part, but that would have made the next part way too long (it's long enough as it is) and I couldn't seem to make it fit together well enough. So, I had to cut it short. My apologies.

Either way, I hope you enjoy it, despite how short it is.

Also, a big THANK YOU goes out to those of you who reviewed and added this story to faves and/or alerts. When I got the notification emails to my phone, I nearly shook with glee :) I'm so happy people are liking the story so far.

And so, with that out of the way, enjoy partie deux. (lame attempt at appearing bilingual. I IZ CLEVUR. /shot)

- i.I

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. All is credited to BioWare, sadly._

* * *

**Temporary Serenity**

**Part Two:** R&R

Shepard had downed her third glass of ... _whatever_ that was, by the time she settled back in her chair, feeling the familiar flush of alcohol rising to her cheeks, letting her eyes drift over those gathered at their tables. Garrus was leaning across the table to her left, delivering the punch-line of some joke that she must have missed, which sent the rest of them into wild peals of laughter. She let out a chuckle nonetheless.

Miranda was directly across from her, with Jacob to the woman's left, chatting with Joker, and Kelly gossiping about something or another. Grunt was on the far end of the table to her right, with Thane sitting across from him, unsurprisingly quiet and sober, despite the atmosphere, though he did seem to be enjoying the company of a certain female engineer, much to Donnelly's (poorly veiled) chagrin. Dana let a knowing smile part her lips.

Shepard had no idea where Jack was, and frankly, she didn't really want to know. With her reputation, she was utterly unpredictable, and could have been up to her ears in trouble. But, no one was dead yet, so that was a good sign.

There were smiles all around, though, and she was decidedly content that her crew was having a good time. They all deserved to let loose a little before the storm hit.

It was when Kelly jumped up on the table in a drunken stupor and started dancing, that Shepard decided she needed a moment's break for some (relatively) fresh air. So, she rose up and walked by Joker, who seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the show, and clapped him on the shoulder when she passed him, heading for the entrance to the club to take a break in the nook between the two groups of doors leading out to the entertainment district. She walked through the first set of doors, stepped to the left and slumped against the wall, letting out a sigh and a small chuckle. There was certainly going to be a lag in the workload tomorrow.

_Good thing we're staying docked here at the Citadel tomorrow._

She allowed her eyes to slide shut, and took a few calming breaths while the door to the hall opened. She ignored it and just waited for the person to pass and continue into the club. But the door beside her didn't open, and the footsteps she heard stopped altogether. Her heart quickened and her hand itched to reach for her sidearm, until a rough voice she immediately recognized caused her to sober, and freeze before she ever got that far.

"Shepard?"

Her eyes snapped open and she looked up to have them focus on a face she remembered down to the smallest detail, "Kaidan."

"What are you doing here?" He asked after the moment of stunned, awkward silence passed.

"I—" Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat, "I could ask you the same question."

The sight of him caused memories she'd fought desperately to push to the back of her mind over the last several months, to bubble to the surface. With those memories, came a surge of anger that she pushed down, forcing herself to remain calm. All this time, she'd wanted to explain. And the fact that he hadn't given her a chance to do so on Horizon was enough to make her furious, but she wasn't about to ruin her chance to make a second attempt by exploding at him now. So, she collected herself and allowed him to continue.

"After what happened on Horizon, I tried to stay in order to help the few remaining colonists, but they forced me off the planet once the turret defence was online. They still don't trust the Alliance and blamed me for much of what happened. Since then the Alliance has sent me to a number of different places. I'm stationed here on the Citadel for the next few days."

Guilt washed over her like a tidal wave, and the thought that they found the ship that abducted those very colonists, but were unable to rescue them in time still gnawed at her and haunted her dreams. So many people, dead, all to build that ... _thing_. Her stomach tied in a knot, and she forced her thoughts elsewhere. She was too hampered by alcohol to entertain such thoughts at the moment.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." She muttered, "I wish we had gotten there sooner. We may have been able to do more to help them."

"You can't blame yourself, Shepard. You did more for those colonists than they ever gave you credit for."

She cocked an eyebrow, "Kaidan, I'm more than a little under the influence, so I could be mistaken, but that _almost_ sounded like a compliment."

"Da—Shepard, you're a legend."

She wasn't certain, and it might have been because of the alcohol, but she may have smiled at his almost-slip. He was the only one she ever allowed to call her by her given name, when they were in private, even when he was still her subordinate. She guessed it must have become a habit. Now, they were of equal rank, and it would have been fine if he called her Dana, but he still refused. Was he still mad at her? Well, that was fine, because she was still mad at him, though she refused to show it.

"You defeated Saren and saved the Citadel from Sovereign. There aren't enough good things said about you." He continued, and she fought the urge to let her anger abate somewhat with his words, "The Council really didn't do much to rectify your good name after you left. They dismissed all of your claims about the Reapers, trying to get people to think you were crazy, when all of us, your crew, Anderson. We all knew the truth, and yet our word wasn't good enough."

Dana knew she should be thanking him for his kind words, and if she hadn't been hampered by alcohol, she probably would have. But she couldn't get past the fact that he'd said she _left, _and she felt anger surge again. Her eyes flashed and she glared at him, "I didn't _leave_, Kaidan."

He just stared at her.

_Calm. Calm down. _She paused, took a deep breath and let it out slowly, running her hands through her hair, "Do you... want to talk? About... what happened on Horizon, and about ... everything?"

He was quiet for a long moment, his warm brown eyes searching her face. At least, they _used_ to be warm. Now they were distant, calculating, "Yeah." He replied finally, "Yeah, I do."

He gestured for her to follow him inside the club, but she took his arm (his firm, muscled arm—_Wait, what?_) and turned him around, pulling her hand away as if she'd been burned, "Not in there. It's a little noisy. I gave the crew the night off, and, well they're enjoying it."

He smirked (and oh, how she missed that smirk, even if it did last for merely an instant—_Pull yourself together, Dana. You're supposed to be mad at him, remember?_) and gave her a nod, "Then let's go somewhere quieter."

"We could go to the _Normandy_. It's empty right now." She suggested carefully. When he didn't respond right away, she quickly added that it was probably the quietest place they would find on the Citadel at the moment, so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.

"_Normandy_ it is, then." He said finally, and they started on their way in silence.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

I struggled a bit with Kaidan's responses in this part, so if they seem out of character for him, please don't hesitate to tell me. Thanks for reading, you little darling, you. :P


	3. If Looks Could Kill

_Author's Note:_

WOW guys! Seriously, in the last few days, MIND = BLOWN. Thank you sooooo much! I can't thank you all enough for the reviews and alerts! It's impossible for me to keep a smile from my face when I get those emails on my phone telling me someone reviewed and/or added the story to alerts and/or faves! I don't often showcase my writing for public scrutiny, so I truly value all of your reviews and advice, and the kind words you've given me are a real confidence-booster, I'll tell you that much. But don't worry. I won't let it go to my head :P

Phew, so, regarding the story, this scene is a fair bit longer than the last one, and to make things more complicated, it's told from Kaidan's perspective. You know those struggles I was having with the last part making sure Kaidan's responses were in character, so I wanted your feedback? This was why. Fortunately, I received no negative comments regarding that aspect, so I figured I must have been doing something right. Same goes for this chapter though. I want your feedback regarding his thoughts and perspective. Please don't hesitate to let me know if any part of it (or all of it) seems out of character. I love the character of Kaidan and I want to do him justice, and if that means a complete re-write of this scene, so be it.

And I'm off again!

-i.I

**P.S.** On a side-note, I love the end of this chapter to little pieces. LAWL.

_Disclaimer: BioWare owns it._

* * *

**Temporary Serenity**

**Part Three:** If Looks Could Kill

They boarded the _Normandy_ _SR-2_ and Kaidan immediately slowed to gawk at the new, much larger Cerberus vessel. This lasted for merely a moment, however, and he shook himself, catching up before Shepard noticed he had lagged behind. She led him through the CIC and into an elevator that took them down to the crew deck. He declined an offer for a drink when they passed the entrance leading to the mess hall and so she opened the door to the starboard observatory, sitting on one of the couches set against the wall, where he joined her.

A full minute passed before either of them said anything. Kaidan searched her profile as she sat beside him, green eyes staring out the expansive window in silence, likely thinking about what to say. The scars he'd seen marring her face on Horizon had since healed completely, leaving only the one on her eyebrow that he remembered seeing when he first met her. Her hair was much the same, if slightly longer, falling just below her chin with her bangs tucked lightly behind her ears, and her cheeks were flushed with what he guessed was her previous consumption of alcohol in the Dark Star Lounge.

"I got your email, after Horizon." She responded finally, "If you were expecting some sort of response, I'm sorry, I didn't send one. After I read it, I sat in that chair for at least an hour, trying to think of something to say before I finally gave up. I was so... _angry _with you that I couldn't think clearly enough to write something I wouldn't regret later. But there's one thing I want you to know: That night, before Ilos?" Here, she turned to face him fully, "How could you question that? I could _never_ forget that night, Kaidan, even if I wanted to."

He clenched his jaw, feeling she had more to say, so he stayed silent.

"There were a lot of things left unsaid on Horizon, and I just wanted to clear some things up. To explain."

Anger surged, and he felt himself shrug, "What is there to explain? You left the Alliance to work with Cerberus, letting me and everyone else believe you were dead."

If looks could kill, he'd have been dead at that moment, because the glare he received from her was possibly among the fiercest he'd ever seen.

"Kaidan, that's not what happened at all, and if you'd just _shut up_ for a second, I can explain."

Needless to say, he obeyed.

"First of all," She began, still heated in anger, "What part of '_I was clinically dead'_ did you not understand on Horizon? I was _dead_, Kaidan. As in, not living. As in, Cerberus had to dig my charred, suffocated body up from some nearby planet after the first _Normandy_ was destroyed, and it took _two years_ to bring me back to life."

He stared at her, eyes wide in surprise, about to say something, _anything_. Tell her how much of an idiot he was? He wasn't sure. But she continued before he had a chance, standing to her feet and starting to pace.

"I woke up on a table, with no idea where I was, or how I got there. Some woman—who turned out to be Miranda—was yelling at me over the PA system, telling me the facility was under attack. I was tired, hungry, and disoriented, but somehow I managed to get through the place unscathed until I met up with Jacob and he helped clear things up. It wasn't until just before we escaped that I found out they were both with Cerberus. They brought me back to deal with the disappearing colonies." She explained, her eyes far away as if she was reliving the memory, "I agreed for a number of reasons. The biggest being to deal with the Collectors, obviously, and I needed their resources. But not the least of those reasons was because they gave me a second chance at life, and to be honest, I felt like I owed them something in return."

Silence reigned. For how long, he had no idea. He was still processing everything she said when she changed the subject.

"I tried to find you, you know." She said quietly, her voice calmer as she sat down again, bringing her feet up on the couch and folding them in under her without looking at him, "After I got out. I asked Anderson if he knew where you were. He told me what he knew about the others but said your location was classified. I later found out you were on Horizon. Turns out The Illusive Man planted the rumours that sent you – and by extension, me – to Horizon, just to lure the Collectors there because he suspected they were looking for me, or those connected to me." She scoffed, shaking her head in disgust, "Bastard. I was _livid_ when I found out."

He felt his jaw muscles flex again, fury boiling the blood in his veins, "See? You can't trust them, Shepard!"

"Don't you think I knew that? I wanted to end it, right then and there. But though Cerberus might say otherwise, with the way things were, I didn't have the luxury of choice, Kaidan. They were the only ones _doing_ anything about the abductions! I hated Cerberus, and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't want to put a bullet in The Illusive Man's head. Hell, I can't say I wouldn't have done so if he hadn't have been a fucking hologram every time I talked to him. But they weren't the real threat. The Collectors were, and at that point, my goals and those of Cerberus were the same. I did what I had to do, and if that meant dealing with an organization I hated, then I needed to push my personal feelings aside and get it done. Besides," and here, her mouth cracked into that of a tiny smirk, "the sooner it was done, the sooner I could tell The Illusive Man to fuck off and find a new guinea pig for his twisted devices."

He furrowed his brow in thought, and paused for a moment before speaking, "You keep referring to them in the past tense. Does that mean you're not with Cerberus anymore?"

Shepard faced him, raised an eyebrow, and gave him a _look_, "Yes, Kaidan. It means I'm not with Cerberus anymore. Our ship was attacked by Collectors while the ground team was ashore. Joker was the only one who made it out. I decided we'd done enough preparing and it was time to take the fight to the Collectors, so we used the Omega 4 Relay and tracked the ship that took my crew to the Collector base." She visibly shuddered, "Believe me, you _don't_ want to know what they were doing in there. I got my crew out and was ready to blow the place to hell when I got a message from The Illusive Man."

She shook her head, her brow creasing as if in disbelief. When she didn't elaborate, he pressed her, "What did he want?"

"He wanted to _keep _the base for Cerberus to study. Apparently, to learn more about the Collectors' technology so it could be used against them." Her eyes narrowed, and she looked disgusted, "Like hell. I wasn't letting him anywhere _near _that base. So, I told him if he wanted to study the base, he'd have to do it in hell, because that's where I was sending it."

He couldn't help the chuckle that emerged from him, and something he'd thought was lost forever fluttered in his stomach when he heard laughter bubble forth from the woman before him.

"After we got back to the ship, he contacted me, furious at what I'd done. So I told him to fuck off and Joker got rid of the comm channel. Then, Miranda and Jacob both resigned, so now we're all officially unemployed."

Sweet relief poured into him. This was Shepard. _Dana_. She hadn't changed. She was still the beautiful, decisive, strong, kind (albeit short-tempered and bad-mouthed) woman he'd fallen in love with so long ago. He'd just allowed his hatred for Cerberus to cloud his perception of the full picture.

_Alenko, you're an idiot_, he chided with a sigh, _Apologize, you ass!_

"Shepard—"

"Kaidan, I'm sorry." She interrupted, "When I got out of that Cerberus facility, I tried to find you and when I found out you were on Horizon, I thought... well, I don't know what I thought. I guess I had some foolhardy little girl expectation that the last two years affected you the same as they did me. But two years is a long time. I get that. Things change. But for me, it was just like waking up from a deep sleep, and yet everything was different. Everyone was gone. So much had changed in what seemed like such a short time, and so much was being thrown into my lap that, to be honest, sometimes I wished Cerberus had just left me dead and,—"

"**Dana**," He broke in, stopping her rambling as she stared up at him, green eyes wide, "_I'm_ sorry. I never should have doubted you. I should have trusted you. I allowed my hatred for Cerberus to blind me from the real threat, and I was so thick-headed that I never understood that you were dead. I thought you had just left the Alliance to work for Cerberus, undercover for two years. I didn't think you were actually _dead._"

"Believe me, if I had gotten out of that bed sooner, you would've been the first to know."

"I know." He couldn't hold back anymore, he reached for her hand and took it in his own, "And I'm sorry I said I didn't know who you were anymore. You haven't changed at all. You're still the same woman I remember, and I'm an idiot for not seeing it sooner."

A moment of silence passed, and he allowed himself to be distracted by her thumb sliding idly over the skin of his hand. Funny how a woman so fierce on the battlefield could have such smooth, seemingly delicate hands. But they were deceptive hands. And they certainly weren't delicate. He knew those hands had seen far more war and bloodshed in the last few years than most do in a lifetime. Just one of this woman's many mysteries.

"Thanks, Kaidan." She muttered as they stood, seemingly finished with the conversation, "For listening. I'm glad I got the chance to explain everything before the shit really does hit the proverbial fan. I have a meeting with the Alliance tomorrow, to explain everything I know, and I'm completely _dreading_ it. But, there's a war coming. Things are only going to get worse, and I don't know what's going to happen, but at least I don't have to worry about what happened between us being left up in the air like it has been."

"I'll be there. At the meeting. It's why I was called back to the Citadel." He explained, "So even if you have no one else's support, you'll at least have mine."

Her shoulders slumped in a sigh, and she allowed him to pull her into an embrace. He marvelled again at how well she fit into his arms without the bulk of armour separating them. Even the citrus smell of her hair was as he remembered it, though it was mingled with the slight scent of alcohol. He breathed it in deep, savouring it while he had the chance. He felt her warm breath against his neck as she exhaled while he held her close.

God, he missed this. He missed _her_. How could he let himself walk away from her back on Horizon?

"So..." She whispered, lifting her head and pulling away enough for her eyes to make contact with his and her hands to slide around to his chest, "What now? Um... all is forgiven?" She raised an eyebrow and bit her lip uncharacteristically, and Kaidan let a smile tug the corner of his mouth. This was _Dana_ when she wasn't _Commander Shepard._ This was the person—the woman—only Kaidan had been allowed to see.

He sighed, "Dana, I should be asking you that."

"That's a _yes_, I take it?"

He took hold of her upper arms, gave her a nod, and watched the warm smile grace her lips. He still wasn't certain where they were to go from here, but at that moment, he didn't want to worry about the future. Like that night before Ilos, (while he wasn't about to go so far, so soon) what mattered to him most was that moment. The two of them, together and so when her smile faded and she slid one of her hands from his chest upwards to the back of his neck, he hesitated for merely a moment before inching closer—

"Shepard?"

And, just like that, the moment ended, and they pulled away from each other as if they were on fire, motioning with their hands like a couple of teenagers who didn't know what to do with themselves.

"Garrus!"

"Alenko."

The turian was standing in the doorway, staring at him. Kaidan wasn't comfortable under his scrutiny, and so brought a hand up to awkwardly rub the back of his neck, "Heh... Hey, Garrus."

"What are you doing here?" She asked, thankfully drawing his attention away from Kaidan, "I thought you were at the Dark Star."

"I left to come find you. Everyone was wondering where you went." He explained, "You were gone for nearly half an hour."

"Yes, well, we had some..." she trailed off, "catching up to do."

Garrus looked from her to Kaidan and back again, "No kidding." Kaidan wasn't entirely sure if turians had animated eyebrows like humans, but if they did, he knew for a fact that Garrus' left eyebrow was half-way up his forehead.

The next exchanges of words between the two humans were entangled with each other and nearly incomprehensible.

"I should—"

"I need to—"

"I have to uh, do that, thing—"

"Yeah, I have a... "

"I should go." He said finally, "I'll, uh, show myself out."

She nodded slightly as he started out, Garrus never removing his eyes from him, "I'll see you tomorrow, Shepard."

He wasn't entirely out of ear-shot by the time she started talking again, causing a knowing smile to creep across his face as she said, "What the hell, Garrus? What's with the death-glares?"


	4. Author's Note

_Author's Note_

Hey, folks. For those of you watching this story, I have decided to officially consider it discontinued. Originally, I was gonna come back and add to it once I knew more about the ME3 storyline, but since ME3's release, I've realized that it is grossly inaccurate. So, as I am never one to veer substantially away from canon, I've decided to start fresh.

I just uploaded the first chapter of _Stream of Consciousness_, which is another ME3 fic. It will, of course, be Shenko-centric, and while I'm not sure where I'm taking it at the moment, I know it will focus most closely on Shepard's (and possibly others') thought processes and emotions, rather than the details of the story. Don't get me wrong though, _**there are, and will continue to be spoilers**__, _so if you haven't played the game yet, I'd highly suggest you do so before reading.

Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope you don't hate me too much for abandoning this particular fic. :P

**- BB**


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